6 Indian brides confide in us about dishes they wish they'd never served at their wedding

You know the one thing that makes or breaks the event is the food. Now, every guest has their preferences, but what about the brides? We asked a few.

From saas-bahu drama to Kardashian-esque fashion faux pas, something can always go wrong at a wedding. It's easiest to remember all the terrible wedding foods one has eaten as a guest, but the last thing you want is to be the host of a wedding serving limp papdi chaat or salty Hakka noodles. Unfortunately, despite your best efforts, you could be sitting a while later with your wedding photos in hand, wondering what on earth you put on the menu. And why. Before you question this incredibly scientific fact; we actually checked this out to confirm our hunch. Here are six Indian brides, confessing their biggest wedding food regrets.

Everyone loves cheese... almost

"Cheese fingers. Worst decision ever! They kept hardening, and my caterers lost track of how many to make - my father finally stepped up, and we brought out the kebabs instead."

- Anonymous, Mumbai

Married in 2018

Ah, yes. Cheese fingers - a friend to every group of students sharing bottles of coke, foe to everybody on diet, and now, mortal enemy to brides. Everyone loves cheese, but maybe rapidly cooling cheese on platters is a bad idea? The rest of this wedding menu might have been on-point (as per the bride's report), but the memory of cold cheese fingers is still painfully fresh. We're inclined to give points for the decision to save the day with kebabs. As any good foodie knows: when in doubt, eat kebabs.

The one time chaat let someone down

"Hara chana chaat. We had a beach wedding, and so, we thought this was something our guests would enjoy. But who knew that nothing - and I mean nothing - beats the chaat made by the street-side hawkers. It was bland and totally forgettable."

- Anonymous, Mumbai

Married in 2020

This bride had a mid-pandemic Zoom call wedding, and it was the wedding of her dreams. But there are dreams and then, there's reality. When it comes to food... trust your chaat walla with the snacks for a casual weekend, and serve something else at your picturesque wedding. (May we suggest kebabs?)

Sounds snazzy, tastes worse

"So mine is Waldorf Salad. Which apparently is a must at Gujju weddings. My parents insisted despite a million protests, given how disgusting it is! It's like a 1980s wedding item."

- Anonymous, Mumbai

Married in 2020

A moment of silence for this fallen hero, who fought her family till the end for a noble cause. Fruits, nuts, mayonnaise and lettuce may make for a great sandwich, but is it too much to ask that a law be passed against Waldorf salad at weddings? We know a bride who'll definitely be on board.

Pop the bubbly, save a life

"Back in the day, the bride wasn't seen with a glass of wine in her hands. So no one snuck a shot in for me. God alone knows how badly I needed it then, but they were all more than enthused to shove daal baati down my throat. How much I missed chicken seekh then. But no meat for the Marwari girl on her wedding."

- Anonymous, Delhi

Married in 2009

Kebabs strike again! And while daal baati has its time and place, it's not the solution to nerves and wedding stress, for sure. Our greater worry, however: is it even a wedding if there's no wine and champagne? We appreciate this bride's honest feedback years later - and her attempt to teach this lesson to the country. After all, it ain't a party till the corks are popped!

Chocolate doesn't solve all problems

"I wish I'd never served chocolate ice cream, because if it drops on your wedding sari, it's an indelible stain that can't be removed even with the best methods! I spent too much time worrying about my sari instead of enjoying the ice cream!"

- Anonymous, Mumbai

Married in 1984

You didn't read that date wrong - it sounds like weddings have been plagued with one rogue menu item since the beginning of time, so to speak. As per this bride's report, weddings would involve lunch, and receptions (when you called more casual acquaintances) were for basic dinners. The fashion was to serve a slab of chocolate ice-cream on plates, and be charged per plate. The Kanjeevaram sari in question apparently never survived.

To be fair, we're usually in the mood to excuse chocolate of all its faults, but ruining a wedding sari? Unforgivable.

Timing is everything

"My husband and I were hosting our reception a little away from Jaipur in the middle of December, and we'd taken great care picking the menu for our guests. So being the bride, I arrived at 7:30 PM... to witness an empty venue as my father had opened the food counters from 6 PM and people had already eaten and left for their homes!"

- Anonymous, Jaipur

Married in 2018

While we've been obsessed with what to serve, it turns out that timing is the real hero. We can't decide if we'd be the guests who'd wait, or if we'd eat and leave, but we can say this is probably the most unforgettable confession on our list. And for prospective brides reading this article, looking for lessons: hire bouncers or something.

It's worth mentioning that, for every confession we got, there were three others that admitted to not getting the time to eat - and this might be a greater crime than Waldorf salad and cheese fingers.

"Not sure if I have a particular dish in mind, since I was mostly in charge of the menu, but the only regret I do have is not being able to eat the dishes I really wanted to because well, there was just zero time!"

- Anonymous, Kolkata

Married in 2021

Now, we're ready to admit that opinions are subjective (though we stand by the fact that raste ka Chinese food doesn't belong in the hallowed halls of a reception banquet, and you can fight us on it), but it's time to uncover the greater injustice of weddings: let the brides eat!